Li Kotomi’s “Transgender Day of Remembrance” Statement After Being Outed

　　　　

Note: This article has been translated from the original Japanese using ChatGPT. I kindly ask for your understanding regarding any unnatural or inaccurate expressions.

　　　　　

中文版：https://likotomi.com/zh/news/712.html

日本語：https://likotomi.com/info/707.html

　　　　

  Hello, I am Li Kotomi, an award-winning novelist.

  Today, November 20th, on “Transgender Day of Remembrance,” I, together with 50 other novelists, released a joint statement titled “Statement by Authors in Japan Opposing LGBTQ+ Discrimination.” This statement serves as a response from novelists to the surge of discriminatory rhetoric targeting LGBTQ+, especially transgender individuals, that has become prominent in Japan in recent years.

  In this article, while relating to the statement, I wish to express my personal circumstances and thoughts, entirely unrelated to those of the other supporters.

　　　　

  I, Li Kotomi, am a lesbian. Since my debut, I have consistently written stories about LGBTQ+ topics, actively supported same-sex marriage legalization, and have participated in Pride parades almost every year. These are already public facts and are undoubtedly true.

  However, today, on this “Transgender Day of Remembrance,” I would like to make another coming out: I, Li Kotomi, am also transgender.

　　　　

  Expressing this truth feels somewhat uncomfortable. This is because the label “transgender” is not an “identity” for me; at best, it is a “state” or “attribute.” While I am forced to live in this “state,” it does not define my core essence.

  Nevertheless, it is also true that there was a time when I lived in a state of being registered and perceived as male from birth. That period in my life was like a cursed nightmare, something I never wish to revisit, so I will not go into detail here.

  Eventually, I came to understand that I had been living in the wrong gender all my life. Living in the wrong gender creates fundamental friction and conflict with the world. At one point, I reached a critical juncture where continuing life in that state became impossible, and I realized I could no longer go on as I was.

  I decided to let my former self die and be reborn.

  The reborn me is a woman. I genuinely love who I am now. 

  Therefore, I am a woman. I am not, by any means, a “biological/physical/trans-identified male.”

■I Never Wanted to Come Out

  In truth, I never wanted to come out. Anti-trans backlash is rising not only in Japan but also in many countries worldwide. Coming out now is far too risky. If possible, I would have preferred to take this secret with me to the grave.

  Moreover, the decision to “not come out” was not only for myself but also to protect my family.

　　　　

  I was born in a rural farming village in Taiwan. My grandparents made their living through farming and were part of a poor class with limited education. Thanks to a modest business success by my parents, I was able to receive an education. Fortunately, I was intelligent and diligent, which made me possible to survive Taiwan’s intense competition in school exams. I even earned a scholarship through my own efforts, allowing me to study abroad in Japan.

  The fact that the Akutagawa Prize-winning author Li Kotomi is here today is truly a miracle, built on countless drops of blood and tears.

　　　　　

  When I came out to my parents, they, of course, couldn’t immediately accept it. To them, who had never lived anywhere but the countryside, words like “homosexual,” “transgender,” or “LGBT” were far beyond anything they could imagine. It took years for them to accept that the child they thought was their son was, in fact, their daughter and, furthermore, a lesbian.

  Even so, I am grateful to my parents. Although it took time, they ultimately accepted me, and even raised their voices to support my right to marry as their daughter. May 17, 2019, was the day Taiwan’s same-sex marriage bill passed. I was in Japan, watching a live broadcast, but my parents, in the pouring rain, went outside the parliament building in Taiwan to witness the vote. And they were holding a small rainbow flag.

　　　　

  Still, I cannot cause them any trouble. My parents have their own jobs and lives. Just imagining what impact it would have on them if people around them or relatives found out their child is transgender fills me with dread.

　　　　

  Then there are my two elderly grandmothers (fortunately or unfortunately, my grandfather has already passed). From the moment I decided to be reborn, I knew I would probably never see my grandmothers again. In fact, I haven’t seen them in over a decade. And understandably so—how could I possibly explain to them that the grandson they once adored is no longer alive and that their granddaughter is the one who lives now? My grandmothers are already quite old, and their health continues to deteriorate. If they were to find out, it might shock them to the point of causing a heart attack.

　　　　　

  I miss my grandmothers very, very much. But I will probably never have the chance to see them again before they pass away. And when they do pass, I may not even be able to attend their funerals.

　　　　

  I cannot cause trouble for anyone. That’s why I needed to leave my hometown, leave Taiwan, and escape as far as I could from my past life.

　　　　

  Those who leave their homeland or live closeted often carry burdens or sufferings that others cannot easily understand. My reasons for leaving Taiwan and escaping to Japan were just that. In Taiwan, I faced various forms of oppression, discrimination, bullying, and harassment. As long as I stayed in Taiwan, I could not live in peace. So, I fled to Japan.

  Life in Japan has been going well, and here I was able to fulfill my childhood dream of becoming a writer. If possible, I really did not want to take the risk of coming out.

　　　　　

■The Malicious Harassers Who Followed Me from Taiwan

  As I have said many times, I never wanted to come out, nor did I want to write this article.

  However, malicious discriminators and harassers from Taiwan have relentlessly pursued me through the internet. They stripped away all my choices and drove me into a corner where there was nowhere left to run.

　　　　

  In 2021, the year I won the Akutagawa Prize, Taiwan was experiencing a surge in anti-trans backlash. With my sudden rise in recognition following the award, I became an easy target for them. Hundreds, even thousands of anonymous accounts outed me on various social media platforms (a violation of my privacy) and engaged in repeated acts of slander, harassment, and sexual harassment.

  These perpetrators do not see me as a human being at all. Without any consideration for my personal circumstances, they insulted, defamed, and berated me with words so vile that they cannot even be quoted here. They went as far as altering my Wikipedia page and creating social media accounts solely dedicated to harassing me. This kind of harassment has continued for two or three years, and it still hasn’t stopped.

　　　　

  It has been truly, truly painful.

  Over the past few years, I have suffered from various symptoms: insomnia, vomiting, dizziness, headaches, depression, palpitations, loss of appetite, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation. I was diagnosed with adjustment disorder. Every time I appeared in public for a lecture or event, I was gripped by fear that one of my attackers might be among the crowd. Of course, this has significantly affected my work.

　　　　

  Imagine it. Thousands of faceless people hiding in the shadows of the internet, swarming around the most sensitive, deeply personal information you least want exposed, hurling insults, ridicule, and contempt, and spreading it thousands, tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of times. The shame. The fear. Imagine thousands upon thousands of strangers turning your genitals, organs, surgical history, and chromosomes into their grotesque gossip and entertainment.

  It felt as if I had been stripped bare, tied to a pillar, and left exposed while countless stones were hurled at me.

  It may be hard to believe that so many strangers would harbor such clear malice and go to such lengths to drive a person to death, but this is the reality of our world. This is the state of affairs surrounding transgender people in the 2020s.

　　　　　

  This is the grotesque reality we live in.

  I never wanted to come out. Forced into it by outing, with each option slowly taken away like a torture that strips away one’s fingernails, I found myself physically and mentally backed into a corner, until the only remaining option was to come out.

　　　　

  That is why I had no choice but to come out on this “Transgender Day of Remembrance.”

It is a mourning for society’s conscience and a mourning for myself.

　　　　

  Coming out was not a matter of free will. It was the result of a hate crime inflicted by the perpetrators.

■The Malicious Acts of Harasser “Jiang Xiangling(江祥綾) / Shawl”

  Among the perpetrators, I have already identified several individuals and may disclose their real names in the future depending on the situation. For now, I will reveal one particularly malicious individual.

  This person is Jiang Xiangling(江祥綾), a resident of Guishan District, Taoyuan City, Taiwan, in their 30s. Jiang uses a variety of aliases, including “Shawl, Xingxing(翔翔), Guxingxue(孤行雪), Hibariameya,” and more.

　　　　

  For two and a half years, this individual has persistently outed my personal information in both Chinese and Japanese across various social media platforms, while misgendering me with terms like “a man pretending to be a woman” and using other insulting language.

　　　　

  The attacks led by Jiang Xiangling show no signs of stopping; in fact, they are becoming more vile by the day. Jiang has allied with anti-trans political parties in Taiwan and anti-trans activists from the West, such as Jaclynn Joyce and Genevieve Gluck, to continue their relentless attacks, cutting off any path of retreat I might have.

  Under these circumstances, I am left with only two options: keep my secret, refuse to come out, and potentially end my life early, or come out and publicly name the perpetrators who have tormented me.

　　　　

  I refuse to choose death. Our community has already seen far too much death. If I were to die, those who love me would be consumed by grief and despair, while those who hate me would rejoice. Such an outcome must never happen.

　　　　　

■Please Support Me

  I am currently pursuing legal action against Jiang Xiangling. The trial is still ongoing, and the situation is challenging. Jiang is being supported in a systematic way by anti-trans parties and organizations in Taiwan, as well as by anti-trans activists in the West.

  Yes, there is international solidarity among anti-trans activists. Therefore, I too need the international solidarity of the LGBTQ+ community.

　　　　

  So far, I have already spent 3.5 million yen (22,800 USD) on this legal battle against transphobic harassment. More expenses will undoubtedly follow. The opportunity costs due to the time lost in litigation are immeasurable as well.

  Please support me. Help me. With your support, I am certain I can persevere and fight through this battle.

　　　　

Donation link: https://paypal.me/sakkabunbu

　　　　

  Additionally, please share this article on social media. Let as many people as possible know about the harm I have suffered, my current situation, and the malice of the perpetrators.

  Media members, please report on this matter and spread it widely, even in English and other languages.

　　　　　

  To be honest, I never wanted to do this. I am not an activist, but a novelist; my work should be about writing novels, not engaging in political or legal battles. My words should be spent on literary and artistic expression, not practical conflicts.

  At the end of the day, I simply want to regain a peaceful environment in which I can write.

　　　　

  However, discriminators and harassers have formed a mob, striking with relentless fists and cutting with blades. I have no choice but to take up a shield and fight back.

  People often say I am “fighting,” but that’s not quite right. It’s not that I want to fight; it’s that I have been forced into this position where I have no choice but to fight.

　　　　

  Why must I face such unreasonable treatment when all I want is to live, when all I want is to write novels? I have cursed this era countless times.

　　　　

  But I also know that eras change.

　　　　

  Eight years ago, I completed my debut novel, “Solo Dance,” in isolation. This novel, though clumsy, marks my starting point and tells the story of how I barely managed to survive despite being psychologically cut off from the world while harboring secrets I couldn’t share with anyone.

  Now, I believe I am no longer alone. This is why I became the initiator of the ” Statement by Authors in Japan Opposing LGBTQ+ Discrimination.” I want to transform the countless malice and violence that I have endured over the years into something meaningful and tell those who live in loneliness and despair, just as I once did, that they are not alone—that there is hope in this world.

  I don’t want anyone to suffer the same terrible experiences I have.

　　　　　

  I, we, will never bow to discrimination and violence.

  Please stand with us.

　　　　

*As mentioned in the text, “transgender” is not my identity. I will not emphasize this attribute unless necessary in the future. To protect my family, I will never disclose personal information such as my real name, hometown, previous residences, or educational history before university.

*Far-right activists from the West, such as Jaclynn Joyce and Genevieve Gluck, are bringing anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, originating in the West, into East Asia and threatening our lives. This is clearly a form of colonialism. I am considering legal action against Genevieve Gluck. If anyone has information about this person (real name, address, phone number, nationality, age, etc.), please let me know.

*Journalists interested in covering this topic may contact me through my official website.